March 2012
1 post
Best. Show. Ever
Gene: So if Mythbusters was a porn, what would it be called
Me: PornBusters? PantsBusters?
Chris: MythFuckers. We find Myths. Then we fuck them.
Me: Ah yeah. Chupacabra? Fucked it. Abdominal Snowman? Up the ass. Sasquatch? Got a blow job.
February 2012
2 posts
I get easily excited...
Chris: that reminds me of something I meant to link you
http: //www.siliconera.com/2012/02/16/dragons-dogma-has-guts-the-berserk-character/
me: wait
waaaaaaaaaait
what
is
this
game
and
can
i
put
it
in
my
vag
Chris: first off: god I love you so much
secondly: it's called Dragon Dogma, it's not out yet, and those are just costumes you can get and wear to look like Guts and Griffith
me: ~
Chris: thirdly: no, it will not fit in your vag
Hammer Time
me: you should come home earlier
Chris: you should pay my bills so that I can
me: ---------Stop
Hammer Time
Chris: my my my
music makes me
I think my jeans just grabbed my dick
that was weird
December 2011
1 post
October 2011
2 posts
September 2011
1 post
4 tags
August 2011
4 posts
May 2011
2 posts
March 2011
3 posts
December 2010
1 post
September 2010
5 posts
August 2010
1 post
North Korean football team shamed in six-hour... →
This is just… wow. Just wow.
North Korea is stranger than fiction. (via guillee)
The players were subjected to a “grand debate” on July 2 because they failed in their “ideological struggle” to succeed in South Africa, Radio Free Asia and South Korean media reported.
The team’s coach, Kim Jong-hun, was reportedly forced to become a builder and has been expelled from the Workers’ Party...
July 2010
3 posts
nostrich: Fuck Frogs →
Here’s a little something you probably don’t know about the frogs around here. That ribbit sound they make? They actually don’t do it very often, and when they do it’s territorial. “My turf, fuck off,” basically. One noise you get much more used to hearing is a similarly onomatopoeic splat….
Horrible Math Puns
Chris: Yay I think I did pretty good on my math test
Me: Excellent! We can throw you a math party! I'll bring my equations!
Chris: Oh god kill me now
Me: Sorry, that doesn't factor into my plans. I'm already baking a pi. To stop now would just be irrational.
Chris: I SWEAR TO GOD, WOMAN
Me: There's no reason to be so obtuse... I thought it was acute idea...
Chris: Ghfsswyybukhcsckpp
June 2010
1 post
Texts from this weekend
Chris: YEAH SHEEP WOOL WHOO
Me: Lol, wtf?
Me: Do you want to go to the woolfest too??
Chris: Oh man, CAN I?
Me: Hells-to-the-yeah! I'll save half a sheep for you to shear. You can even buy alpacas there. Seriously
Chris: Chelsea told me about your alpaca fetish. What you do to those animals isn't allowed in 34 states.
Me: I still have 16 where our love can be free from discrimination
Chris: But only eight where baby oil can be bought and does not have to be imported.
Me: There are enough oiled animals in the gulf. I can go without.
Chris: Do you sometimes dream that BP exploeded in-land so as to create a shining paradise of slick alpacas, as far as the eye can see?
Me: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
May 2010
1 post
February 2010
1 post
White Stripes vs Backstreet Boys by DJ Fac
...
January 2010
1 post
December 2009
1 post
October 2009
1 post
Berserk: Public Services Notice
Hey everyone who is interested interested in Kentaro Miura’s fabulous series Berserk. Don’t bother checking out SkullKnight.net. They are all a bunch of pretentious asshats. If you want to scan through and pick through their fan art and discussion diagrams, that’s cool, but do not read what anyone has posted. I guarantee it will be a lot of pointless ramblings from arrogant...
September 2009
1 post
What?
Me: Okay, with my gift certificate I could get an express facial or a... Total Indulgence Back Facial? What the hell is that? Is it on your face or on your back?
Ashley: See, what they do is they draw a face on your back then give it a facial.
August 2009
1 post
“Holy anti-psychotics, Batman!”
– Judith, after her father was released from a mental health facility
June 2009
4 posts
Enroll now in the Dark Side!
by maverickinexile Class sizes are limited, career placement and internship opportunities available for those who qualify! Enjoy our fast-paced and engaging curriculum, including: SITH 101: Introduction to the Dark Side (taken concurrently with SITH 103) SITH 102: Principles (or Lack Thereof) of Becoming a Sith Apprentice SITH 103: Introduction to the Dark Side Lab SITH 115: History of the Dark...
“Of course, some places do horrid things with chili (may God have mercy on...”
– http://www.pgacon.com/KitchenMyths.htm
May 2009
5 posts
I didn't say she stole my money →
inky:
This sentence has seven different meanings, depending on the stressed word:
I didn’t say she stole my money — someone else said it.
I didn’t say she stole my money — I didn’t say it.
I didn’t say she stole my money — I only implied it.
I didn’t say she stole my money — I said someone did, not necessarily her.
I didn’t say she stole my money — I considered it borrowed, even though she...
“Why is there so much bullshit? Well, bullshit is unavoidable whenever...”
– Harry Frankfurt, “On Bullshit” 1987
A memorable conversation
Simon: So I get the girl and then we kill her so we can sacrifice her...
Tad: Duuuude! What the- THIS IS NOT A SECURE LINE! Anyone could be listening to this shit, you need to be careful!
Simon: Oh, sorry. So we take the girl and we MILL her and turn her into BREAD.
Tad: Chaaaa, dude. Graaaaainssss....
“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.”
– unknown (via brokenmachine)
April 2009
4 posts
Skot's brain strikes again
Me- Thinking about potential company names for a freelace knitter. Alterknitives or Alterknits is already taken, god dammit. Now considering the far less appealing 'Fanknitatical' or 'Assassiknit'. Or 'Cogknit'- knitting to make you think.
Jen- What about Knitology? Hmmmm, or Knitorama? Pandamoknitum? Though, I really do like Cogknit.
Me- Knitology & Knitorama already exist Can't find Pandemoknitum. You could replace 'knit' for any 'nat' in a word for a clever pun. Unfortuknit, Abomiknit, Termiknitter, Decrimiknit, Reincarknit,... the list goes on.
Diana- Personally I like Obstiknit or Illumiknit.
Me- Surprisingly Obstiknit is taken but Illumiknit is not. I really like Illumiknit, actually. Thanks!
Skot- As long as you don't mess up and join the Illumiknotty.
Me- oh man, booooo!
Another bad joke
Today was a cold rainy day made worse by the fact my period jumped me. Went into the Shriver bookstore for some tampons. Grabbed some and went to go stand in line to check out.
Girl in front of me was buying a sweater. She told the cashier not to bother putting it in a bag, she was going to wear it out of there. She cut the tags off, paid for it and wore it out of the store.
I put the tampons on...
Note to self:
Do not ask people for their opinions when you are just fishing for compliments. Also, don’t be disappointed when they tell you the truth. It defeats the purpose of asking for their advice.
Ben and I talk about my desire for a summer job
musicmrynn i just need something musicmrynn i’m super not picky musicmrynn i would like it to be paid musicmrynn and be reasonably accessible fearlesstorch yeah, of course musicmrynn but I will make valiant sacrifices at this point musicmrynn it makes me feel.. very not good about myself to think this way musicmrynn like i’m being… loose musicmrynn easy musicmrynn you know...
March 2009
8 posts
A WoW song that everyone should hear.
...